just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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