Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
