im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
