I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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