Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
