great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
