he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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