I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
someone get that fucking seahorse.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
