As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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