I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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