It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
