how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
