You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Randomize
