I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize