it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
this is an emotional support booty call
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
