Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
