i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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