someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
