You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
