I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize