A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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