I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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