After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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