I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
