Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
