i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
