Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
