We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
