Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
