Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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