A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
