I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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