Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
