I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just pee around me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
