I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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