The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
