nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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