he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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