Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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