i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
