Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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