those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
