hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
