After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
