By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
