Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
