you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
