Michael Bay diarrhea
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I want a musical about memes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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