Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
