I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
