i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
