that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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