I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize