i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
