I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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