please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
