I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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