You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
