I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
