I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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