Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The adults are the big ones right?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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