i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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