Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she peed on how many people?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
