what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
