When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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